Are you peeking through my window again? What is it that you look for today? A sign? A symbol? Reassurance, perhaps? Let us talk.
Yes, the answer is yes, you will wake up again tomorrow. And no, the answer is no, the uncertainty will not kill you. Inside the mouth of the beast, there is a passage leading to his root— the very beginning. This is what you must face when you enter it, you must face his mortality. Because every beast is born and every beast must die. And yes, you do have a choice. You may advance or retreat. Neither is the wrong choice. Both choices require bravery. Will you knock on my window and make your presence known? I can feel you there, even if you don’t.
My dearest, I’m afraid that I can not apologize for my obscurity. I find a dying fire deeply mystifying. The inviting scent of possibility. Anything can emerge from this smoke, a figure, charred remains, or even a spark rekindling—there is such resistance in foolish bravery, and such surrender in retreat. My beast is mythic. He prefers to remain undefined. I fear him so, and yet, I crave deeply to understand him.
When I’m not talking to you, I am listening for you, and there is so much that I have recently heard. I heard that you still ask about me. I heard that you have been concerned about my health. I heard that you regret how we have drifted away from one another. I heard that you miss our friendship. I heard that you find me threatening. I heard that I inspire you. I heard that you look forward to a future with me in it. I heard that you want to be rid of me.
Is it all true? I’m an emotional voyeur and I can not help but listen in, even if the sounds all distort. I must know, and yet, the chaos is so cacophonous. I am overpowered by my desires and I do not know how to fight them well, but I never back down.
Two eyes have emerged from the darkness and the beast has awakened. I am talking again, to myself.
I’ve been told before that I’m simply a self-examiner, masquerading as a conversationalist. Is it so wrong that I like attention? Specifically, yours? I have waited for so long to pierce through your mind. It brings me a sense of unparalleled achievement. Your eyes are haunting and yet, they seek me too. If I moved you enough to feel, then I won.
